Ok, I’ve been wanting to write for a while, and I have a lot I feel like I want to say, but I have class in less than 7 hours. Im not even sure why Im not asleep right now. I actually don’t even know if I want to write everything that is going on right now out, and I think I have a problem with that. I feel like lately I’m not letting people in, I mean I do with most stuff, like close to 80-90% sometimes, but there’s still like 10% of me that I don’t care to share with the world. Like only the Lord knows that part. And in all honesty its not like its a crappy nasty dark side of me hidden in shrouds of secrecy and evil, but its just a side that I don’t like to show. Like I don’t want to lay my personal burdens, my personal crap, or even just my complaints onto people.
*Epiphany* maybe I dont have to lay in onto people, but lay it onto God.
Well there’s my first problem right there, I don’t even lay everything at His feet. Then secondly I don’t lay my crap on people. And I don’t know why. Part of me is scared to let people in, I completely recognize that. Part of me is proud, a very BIG part of me is too proud to let people see tht I am weak, tired, sometimes scared, etc. Another part of me is just too bleh, Idk a word for it. I guess Scared and proud are both pretty broad terms, and they emcompass alot of what Im feeling.
I guess what I’m looking for here is kinda like a best friend to process everything here in SD with. and yeah I have guys that are very, very close to me, and a few faces come to mind if people were to ask me who my best friend here was, but I need to make strides to make myself full known to them, and hopefully they will do the same towards me.
but all in all God is good. All the time :)